And She Wrote. 🌄
This morning I am having a hysterectomy. During my pre-op appointment I met an older gentleman who was a Vietnam vet named Pete. He was injured after Vietnam while being stationed in Turkey. Ran over by a truck on accident. Still has the scars on his left leg to prove it. Pete is having a portion of his lung removed. I know all of this because he was sharing it willingly and loudly with his nurses. He also, loudly, asked me across the room “hey, what are you here for,” to which I replied, “surgery,” which he, in what I’m guessing is grand Pete fashion asked, “what kind?!” “A hysterectomy,” I replied. “Oh I’m so sorry,” Pete said as he was shaking his head in empathy.
“Don’t be…I’m not!” was, and is, my reply!
All that to say, I’m pretty excited about this whole ordeal. I realized though, that I won’t be able to end things with my uterus face to face, so I thought the least I could do would be to send it a letter. And I decided to share it all with you. So without further ado, here is my “Breakup Text to My Uterus.” Hope you enjoy, and keep me (and Pete) in your prayers!
Dear Uterus,
I’m not sure how to start this so I’m going to get straight to the point - it’s not me, it’s you. I know you thought we would be together forever, but it’s just not working out. I have to believe you know this.
I do want to say, I’m so thankful for the way you housed my babies for me, that really was a sweet time I’ll always remember and thank you for…honestly the greatest gift of my life! But your past love, doesn’t give you the right to keep treating me like this, sooo…I’m breaking up with you.
Maybe I haven’t always treated you the best either, but you really have been taking things a little too far, and I think we both know this is isn’t working for either of us. I think Shakespeare said something like “parting ways is such sweet sorrow,” but there ain’t NO sorrow in this goodbye. I mean, right now you’re trying to revv up your engine and start a whole new cycle of pain and discomfort in my life. To that I say - PSYCHE - that’s what you thought but jokes on you because you’re being evicted in a couple hours and the sky is the limit for me after that! I literally hear Julie Andrews in my head right now singing “ climb every mountain…” and Uterus, that’s just what I’m going to do. I’m leaving you, and all your demonic appendages (tampons, pads, cups) behind and I’m gonna go climb mountains. Kayak lakes. Plan trips with no hesitation. Shoot I’m even gonna go to the grocery store WHENEVER I WANT and there’s NOTHING you can do about it after today!
Goodbye, forever!
In Love (and also Sayonara Sucker),
Rebecca